Pregnancy and Work...Again

As I enter into the last trimester of my pregnancy, I am forced to deal with the subject of work again. I'm not feeling the guilt that I did last time over my decision to leave my babies at home while I work outside of it - I now know that the babies will be okay and that LilyDaddy and I are giving them all of our time when we are home. Security is not an issue when it comes to LilyBaby. What I am feeling, this time, is pressure to return to work as quickly as possible. This is probably because I hold a supervisory position this time around and we are in an accredidation year which makes my role especially critical - at least for this one year.

Also, economics are different this time around. Last time, LilyBaby was planned and finances were in order by the time she was born. She was also born in March which allowed me to take the rest of the school year off. This time around, we are more limited on the financial front, baby is being born in December which means I am going to have return to work sometime and I am planning to formula feed instead of breast feed. What's also kind of disconcerting is the fact that several wonderful teachers are willing and eager to step in and take my place should I decide not to return. Seems like everyone's been affected by this economy. Lots of people have advised me not to give up my job since I have one which just adds to the pressure. See, LilyDaddy's job is pretty secure but it does depend on government purchases - it is my fear that the government may find itself strapped for cash not too long from now. So, in reality, my job is probably more secure than his.

I talked to my doctor yesterday about the possibility that I might be experiencing depression. Unfortunately, there is very little that can be done, medically, about it. I understand where it is coming from. The pressure over work, the anxiety over an unexpected pregnancy, the worry over what is going to hapeen in the next few weeks - nationally and otherwise, the surgery, LilyBaby, how my marriage is going to be affected, etc. Well, I'm off to teach again.