Will the Real Independent Please Stand Up?

There's been a lot of buzz surrounding politics lately. In fact, more people have been involved in American politics than ever before and that's great. But, I tend to find politics to be quite tiresome. Growing up, I generally associated myself with one party. Now, I'm disgruntled with both. Why? Well, because all politicians are phony. The trick, then, is to find the one that is least phony so that you can do your democratic duty by casting your vote.

So you don' t think both candidates of our major parties are phony? That's not surprising. People who tend to lean right focus on Obama's phoniness and ignore McCain's while people who lean left focus on McCain's phoniness while ignoring Obama's. Obama phony? Yes. Remember when Obama used to be against off-shore drilling because it is bad for the environment and does absolutely nothing to help out with gas prices in the short term (not that I believe that we should have short-term help with gas prices; we deserve what we get and we should pay for what we consume)? Then, Obama finds out that off-shore drilling is popular with the sorely misinformed American public, so he decides to alter his position to favor that of the popular opinion. Big surprise. Has there ever been a candidate who has publicly changed his/her opinion against popular opinion? McCain? You say? Well, maybe the McCain of ten years ago. He, too, has decided to realign himself with the loonies of his party so he can gain some more votes. Now, our former POW is for torture when he used to be against it? Our pro-choice Republican candidate is now mum on the issue, yet vows to appoint justices like Scalia and Roberts? So, sadly, McCain is a phony too.

So what is one to do when making a conscientious decision on who to vote for? I guess it all has to revert back to the individual voter's personal morals, values, and issues. It would seem that the voter would have to explore how the candidate stands on those issues and make a decision about which one will more closely represent those morals, values, and issues...of course, assuming your morals, values, and issues aren't loony themselves!! And you know what? Your morals, values, and issues are going to be different and held in different priority than somebody else's and that is very difficult if not insulting to change. What has disappointed me the most, I think, about all this election talk is people's refusal to come to terms with personal biases, judgements, prejudices, etc. How can a Democrat who has never voted Republican try to convince a Republican that Obama is the better choice over McCain, that higher taxes for a certain percentage (the top 5%) of the population can be a good thing? How can a Republican convince a Democrat that health care is not a right but something that every individual must take care of personally? So, really, do we have to go around and around all the time? Just cast your vote darn it. If you've always voted Republican and you tend to lean conservative, then vote for McCain/Palin and sleep well at night thank you very much. If you've always voted Democrat and you tend to lean liberal, then vote for Obama/Biden and God bless us everyone. But, for the love of the Lord, please stop trying to justify your decision or pretend that you're an Independent. Just say, I voted Republican because I believe in small government (because I fear big government...I can rack up just as much debt as any politician), I want to protect baby life (but go ahead and kill the criminals and the scum who can't afford health insurance), and I believe marriage should be protected (against those darn gays who should be shipped off somewhere over the rainbow...I fear them too). Or you can say, I voted Democrat because I believe in big government (who else to better send money too? Sally Struthers? Please...), I want to protect a women's right to choose (I still don't see how conservatives tend to be for small government yet want to involve themselves in this one...will someone please explain this to me like I'm five years old??!!), I believe the term "pro-life" extends beyond just unborn babies and should include the poor, the uninsured, the criminals, the infirm, etc. etc., and I believe that people should be allowed to decide who they choose to live with and who they choose to kick out of their beds (let God deal with them themselves, thank you very much...when the heck did we assume the right to judge? Before or after we were caught cheating on our cancer-ridden wife with a wanna be film maker?)

I guess this all gets back to the formation of relationships, and political hobnobbing is not good for that, unless you are in the company of those that are politically like-minded. This week, I have seen colleagues leave lunch tables over a subject where both were myopic in their arguments; I have seen a good friend of mine let a terrible logical fallacy involving age and taxes let fly just because the person who questioned her was 20 years her junior; I have had my stomach turned with a man I consider a close friend because he could not admit that Michelle Obama is an impressive woman. And, by the way, she is. So is there a common ground for Republicans and Democrats to civilly talk about politics and walk away from the table having better formed relationships with their counterparts? Sadly, I think not. The debates are too heated; the talking points too ingrained in our head. It just seems impossible for either a Republican or a Democrat to break out of their mindset and recognize the fact that both candidates are flawed. Both have too much pride to give over one point to the other party. So, my friends, nationally - we have reached a stalemate. So, in the interest of keeping the relationships we've formed, I say cast your vote and keep your mouth shut...unless of course you like a good fight or you are in good company.

Coping with Non-Catholic Family Divorce

This is a topic which has been weighing on my mind quite heavily for quite some time. In fact, I know it has affected my relationship with my in-laws for the worse, yet it is impossible for me to explain it to them. I have talked about it with my husband (a Catholic) and my mother - who both understand my sentiments completely...but it still bothers me that I can't seem to neither get it off my mind nor express my feelings with those it directly involves. So, here's the situation...

My husband and I have been married a little over seven years now. It's a mixed-culture marriage. I come from a very close, large Mexican-American assimilationist Catholic family; he comes from a small (not so close) Protestant non-denominational family. He is the middle child of three - with one older brother and one younger sister. Being that we've been married for more than seven years, I have known my in-laws for almost nine. Okay, during our seven years of marriage, I have seen both my brother-in-law and sister-in-law marry and divorce under different circumstances.

My brother-in-law was married in a Lutheran church in big fashion. The idea of sacrament was there and the marriage seemed pretty solid. These two were together for about 9 years, I guess, and have two children. Then, one day, out of the blue....we get a call from brother-in-law telling us that he and his wife are getting divorced. Now, don't get me wrong, brother-in-law's wife is not my favorite person in the world...but what bothers me is the way in which my in-laws respond to the news. I took the news very hard. Hard because, for me, the death of a marriage is always tragic. It was also hard because, like a death, I expected some kind of family mourning period for the dissolution of the marriage itself. For me, this would have communicated a genuine caring for the married couple, a love for the daughter-in-law, support for the children involved, and just...genuine respect for the sacrament of marriage. Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying whether the two should have stayed together or not...that's none of my business....but I was expecting a mourning period. Sadly, that mourning period was not to be. I soon found out that my brother-in-law was and is having an extra-marital affair (the divorce is not yet final) and, worse, my parents-in-law don't seem to have a problem with that. In fact, they try to justify the fact that my brother-in-law was involved with someone other than his wife. It was her fault, in other words, not his. Before news of the divorce, my parents-in-law let on that they were very supportive of their daughter-in-law. I couldn't say anything negative about her or question her motives without their coming to her defense. Now, to me, it seems they have completely turned on her and are all excited over the prospect of a new woman for their son.

My sister-in-law is another sad story. She is younger. She got pregnant at 19 with her sweetheart's child. She was pushed into marriage before the baby was born because "she was going to marry him anyway". In fact, the marriage was decided to take place three weeks after the pregnancy was confirmed. Both my husband and I were disappointed...not with the baby...but with the quick marriage. There was no indication that these two were ready for marriage and it was clear that had there been no pregnancy there would have been no immediate wedding. My husband did make his feelings known to his sister and his mother - only to find himself shushed and scolded on the days leading up to and the day of the wedding. Sure enough, the marriage lasted less than three years. That's not the problem. It's good that she was able to get out of that marriage that was no good for her or her baby. Again, my issue is with the response to the divorce. Before she even moved out of the house, my little sister-in-law was involved with another man whom she is now living with, for all intents and purposes, and with whom she now plays spouse with. Okay, that's not unusual in our day and age unfortunately. What is unusual is the way her parents (my in-laws) were able to reallocate their affections from one husband to the new boyfriend so quickly. Hubby's chair wasn't even cold yet and they're welcoming boyfriend with open arms and talks of another marriage. For me, even though I was no fan of first marriage, this message is not a good one to anyone.

Rather than stick my nose into how this message is bad for others in the family, I'll focus on how these messages have affected me and my family. I am now convinced (whether justly or mistakenly) that my in-laws' feelings for me are insincere. How could they be sincere? I think they express love for me in the same way they expressed love for their former daughter-in-law and former son-in-law. How quickly their feelings were reallocated to someone new. They were also so quick to turn against the formers. They would then probably turn against me if something were to happen to our marriage, God forbid. This makes me feel awful towards them and it makes me feel strange about having my baby around them...wondering what their real feelings are for the baby and her mother. I hinted this one afternoon when I told my sister-in-law that I could imagine the celebration the family would have if my husband ever left me. You know what? She confirmed that the celebration would be grand. Of course, sister-in-law was joking but...you know there may have been real sincerity behind that joke.

So what have I learned from all this? As Catholics, I think our perception of marriage is very different from that of our Protestant brothers and sisters. Because we see marriage as a sacrament that should not be broken, a sign of God's presence and grace, it stands to reason that sacramental marriage must be respected and mourned when it is lost. Protestants, many of whom do not see marriage as sacramental, seem to view it as something that can be dropped, replaced, put on hold? I don't know. I think it must have something to do with the love as action as opposed to love as feeling argument. Commitment and all that stuff. Again, I'm not saying that marriages should never end. A lot of times there is very good reason for their endings, but I do feel that marriage must be respected for the life it gives to the couple and mourned when that life is irrevocably extinguished. Though many Christians claim to uphold and defend marriage, when push comes to shove...when it hits their home...it seems many are quick to change with the wind. My husband has been hurt by the hypocrisy he has seen with his parents. He, too, expected higher principles from people who have long held traditional conservative beliefs about the sanctity of marriage. I guess actions speak louder than words after all. What could have been different? What I needed from my in-laws was a mourning period for both marriages. I needed them to express sadness over the dissolution of both unions and I needed them to show evidence of this sadness to me and my family. I needed for them to express disapproval (at least to me and my husband) over the new situations that were forming too quickly. And, finally, I guess I needed for them to remind my husband and me that they still support us in our marriage and that they would be terribly disappointed if we ever decided to follow suit. Now, my fear is that my in-laws are waiting me out...that they're hoping for a new wife for my husband that will be somehow better than I could ever be. And what does that mean for my children? It means that I have become more protective of them than ever; it means I want to keep them away from my parents-in-law's influence. How can that be a good thing?

So, yet, another example of how divorce affects more than just the immediate family. It extends to the extended family and can have disastrous effects if it is not dealt with for the better.

Why Does John McCain Wear A Corsett?

My 75 year old mother wanted me to post this on her behalf as someone who knows that it is not natural for a man in his seventies to look like Superman.

And...my thoughts on the Demcratic National Convention. I was very moved by Michelle Obama's speech Monday night. I found it to be very genuine in sincere as it really came across to me that she loves her husband and believes in him. That's the part I found very moving - it didn't sound phony. I also found Obama's little girls adorable. They really love their daddy too - especially the little one.

Hillary's speech; I haven't heard it yet but I plan to watch it this evening on YouTube or something similar. I did see pictures this morning and I loved her outfit - but then I'm a great supporter of Hillary's pantsuits.

Coping With an Unexpected Pregnancy

So, in my last post, I warned against the use of Mirena. I know, I know....what a tangled web we weave when first we try to avoid to conceive...through artificial means. But, I never said I was a perfect Catholic. So, my husband and I find ourselves a little over half way through a high-risk pregnancy. Oh, and to top everything off - it looks like my placenta might be lying a little low. So, the doctor fears I may have "Placenta Pervia" or whatever it's called...basically that thing that can lead to pre-term labor that I am already at risk for. My doctor's primary hope is to get me to 36 weeks. She fears infection to the baby via the Mirena and a possible rupture of the amniotic sac caused by the Mirena. So, there's that...

But, there's also the unexpected surprise of a new life joining our family much sooner than we had anticipated. LilyBaby is going to be a big sister and she isn't even out of diapers yet. We had so much hope for giving her so much time for a head start - now it is looking like giving her that time is going to be a real challenge. And LilyBaby is the sweetest baby ever (or at least that I've ever encountered). I'm afraid there will be a tendency to push her aside to fulfill the needs of the little one. And, of course, there's the finanicial. Because we had not planned for our new addition, we have not planned financially either. I was hoping to have the option of staying home with a newborn and a four year old in preschool. Now I am faced with hiring a nanny for a 2 year old and a newborn because work is now more of a necessity for me so we can continue to make ends meet. Okay, not make ends meet...to remain in the lifestyle with which we have grown accustomed to for better or worse. Thank God, my mom will still be with us to supervise the nanny and be with her little grandbabies. She just can't do all the work herself.

Emotionally, my husband and I are in a much better place than we were when we first found out the news. And, the good news is that I now know why I was having such a difficult time losing weight (that was my poor attempt at humor btw). Good friend and good support has helped with that. Catholic teaching has also helped a lot. We know we can't change this pregnancy; so we have gotten to the point where we have accepted it. We aren't completely to the welcoming stage, yet, but we do accept that this is God's will for us. We are also at the stage where we are praying for the baby's continued health and good fortune. So far so good. Like I said, I still have so many worries and concerns and I still wake up every morning wondering if this new pregnancy is just a scary dream, but things are getting better. At least my work is supportive but then I guess a Catholic school can't fault a Catholic teacher for having two babies in three years, now, can it?

Don't Use Mirena!

I haven't posted in awhile because there is something going on that I haven't really wanted to put into words. But, I finally decided that now was the time. About a year ago, shortly after my LilyBaby was born, I had a Mirena inserted for the purpose of a preventing future pregnancies (for at least awhile). I never said I was a perfect Catholic; I'm a practicing one. Once I'm perfected, I'll be sure to let you know. Anyway, I've had the Mirena in for over a year now. A few weeks ago (two to be exact), I was lying in bed and began to feel something very strange going on in my lower stomach. To me, it felt like a baby kicking. But, I told myself, this would be impossible. After all, the Mirena is supposed to be 99.9% effective. The next night, I felt the same thing while lying in bed. So, I decided to take a pregnancy test - just to put my mind at ease. And you know what? It came out positive! Talk about panic on the part of both me and my husband!!! After a quick trip to the doctor, we found out that we are more than 20 weeks pregnant! Not only are we pregnant, the Mirena is still inside me! Now, that makes me 1 in 1000 women for whom this product failed! After panicing for about a week or more, I'm starting to get used to the idea that a new baby will be making his presence known soon. We still aren't thrilled about the idea, but we're learning to accept it. What choice do we have? But, I did want to at least point out that I am very annoyed with this product.